Hirsch ist zu schwer

On a cold morning, Jamie and I were riding across the ranch, checking on everything. Near the lower gate, a rider approached us.

Jamie: “Look, we’ve got company.”

Gillian: “That’s Claire. Hi, Claire!”

Claire: “Salut, you two! I was out for a ride and spontaneously decided to visit you, Gillian. Hope that’s okay.”

We sat down on the bench in front of the stable and talked.

Claire: “You’ve truly built your dream here. For my parents, it was always clear — my place was in their company. As a rider first, and later in management. My dream is working with horses… just not in high-performance sport.”

Gillian: “This wasn’t originally my dream either. But now I’m living a beautiful one. I love the ranch and everything about it. Come on, I’ll show you around.”

I gave her a tour of Meadowland, and she was impressed.

Gillian: “So, now you’ve seen everything. Does this look like your kind of dream?”

Claire: “Actually… it does. You don’t happen to have a job opening, do you—”

Jamie interrupted us.

Jamie: “Hey girls! Did you hear there’s a wildlife rental camp near Firgrove? You can rent animals and ride them. You should totally try it.”

Why not? Claire and I rented two deer and rode into the forest.

Gillian: “I don’t feel entirely safe up here. Riding deer… who even comes up with something like that?!”

Claire: “Yeehaw! Come on, let’s try a gallop!”

We set off at a gallop — and surprisingly, it was fun.

Gillian: “Okay… this actually has something. Hey Claire, about that job — we were thinking of hiring a trainer. Could you imagine—”

BANG!!!

Claire: “Did you hear that? Was that a gunshot? Help, Gillian — my deer’s bolting! Oh no, I can’t hold him!!!”

Gillian: “Oh no, I can’t hold on — I’m faaaalling!!!”

I landed in the snow with a thud, and my deer galloped off.

Claire: “Are you okay, Gillian? Oh great — now your deer’s gone!”

Gillian: “Stupid deer! This is all Jamie’s fault…”

We headed back to Meadowland — Claire on her deer, and me on foot. I vented all the way.

Gillian: “…he’s the one who put this ridiculous idea in our heads… I could’ve broken something — or been impaled by antlers…”

Claire: “Calm down. Nothing even happened.”

At the upper gate, Jamie was waiting on his horse. He could hear me complaining from afar — and quickly realized that didn’t sound good at all. So he wisely disappeared. A short while later, he reappeared. Beaming. Riding a bear. With two more bears trailing behind him.

Jamie: “Ladies… since deer seem to be too heavy for you, I thought we’d try these instead…”

Oh Jamie. Claire burst out laughing. And I was boiling with rage.